Dear Bob,
Please find attached a note from my good friend and colleague Dudley Dawson. He has suggested that I “take another shot at you” (his words), as he claims to have enjoyed what I had intended to be a promotional effort on your behalf in December’s “Power Play.” This confusion concerns me, since I would not want to compromise the incredible level of marine service that your state-of-the-art facility has provided over the years. Furthermore, Dudley has recommended a new app for my iPhone that he believes will bring us closer.
At his insistence, I parted with $2.99 and installed iBoatService. I mention the amount of my investment because you so often suggest that your customers, and boaters in general, are cheap. Hah, not so! Using the application is a snap. I have already added your yard’s contact information, as well as information on every boatyard and curbside craftsman on the East Coast. Now, instead of wasting your time begging for a bargain in your office, I can simply push a button and chisel a low-ball price from your many marine-service friends and peers. Excuse me: Price is a poor choice of words. I, of course, meant estimate, and this brings to mind one of the great features of iBoatService that I almost forgot. All of this guesswork (your estimates) will now be logged electronically. As you and I have grown older, and Anhinga’s invoices have grown longer, this will be very comforting the next time I hand you my checkbook.
I am also convinced that Dudley is right: iBoatService will bring us closer, Bob. While you are Anhinga’s first responder, it seems that when I call with a problem you are either with a customer, at lunch (napping), or on holiday. In the past I found it necessary to keep a list to share with you when I limped back to your yard at season’s end. Now, thanks to iBoatService, I will be able to share my misery with you electronically day or night—complete with color pictures! For example, remember the high-tech batteries you convinced me that I needed last summer when things were a bit slow? Well, they’re working great—just like the old ones. Sure, they’re lighter and more efficient, but who installed them? Haystacks Calhoun? The decking your technician sat his fat ass on has now collapsed into the bilge. I feel confident that I can file this under iBoatService’s warranty tab!
I’ll also be sending you a few photos of the new high performance bottom paint that you talked me into. Excuse me, “marine coating.” As I remember, you said that I would recoup the additional expense of this product in fuel savings in “no time at all.” Now I realize that you were actually suggesting how long the stuff lasts. The other day I went over the side and found my props staring at me like those bearded fellows that used to peddle cough drops—was it the Smith Brothers? I will try the “light dusting” you prescribed, but I believe I’ll have better luck with a weed whacker! Not to worry, there’s good news. I have been very pleased with the cockpit paint work. It still looks great, and even though it’s three months old, it’s already lasted longer than the coating your factory-trained applicator slathered on three years ago. You may remember that he managed to “apply” more to the fighting chair than the cockpit sole!
I will be sending my first iBoatService transmission tomorrow—I can’t wait! Unfortunately there is one feature that it lacks: audio. If only you could hear my whining you wouldn’t have to read this tongue-in-cheek malarkey!
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Sincerely,
Loyal Customer 101_
